I think depression is the constant stress that the persona you have created of yourself does not bring you happiness. Whatever you try, it's always decided upon and seen through the lenses of your persona. And you don't know where to turn, because wherever you turn, you are there. It's like this great sentence my mum told me once: when you move, you bring yourself with you.
But true internal happiness can not come from a persona, unless you are amongst the rare individuals that have never had a deep thought in your entire life. I can be happy as Eric of course, but that is only if the persona of Eric is happy, and this is always fleeting.
And what is the persona of Eric? Well, I've made it up. I have taken my experiences and thoughts I had when I was 10, 15, ..., 62 and formed a character. It's like an author of a book creating a character and thinking of what attributes this character will have, except I have done this with myself. But what I have forgotten is that Eric, at times, has output the full set of human personality that my DNA can produce; I've been quiet and loud, introverted and extroverted, smart and dumb, caring and indifferent, articulate and completely tongue-tied, aggressive and timid, etc. But we never ask ourselves why we were (say) extroverted on that particular day; we would probably answer "because I felt good" or something. But that's not the truth; I was extroverted that day because my persona allowed extroversion to be possible that day. Or a better way to put it is; my persona did not get in the way of any number of actions on that particular day, and extroversion just popped out... because I am capable of extroversion.
This is why the self-created persona is bad, and greatly contributes to suffering and depression. It robs us of the range of the actions/thoughts we can have in any particular situation.
So a person will ask: So who are we then? If a persona is made-up, then who really am I? The answer is I am all of the different personalities and characteristics I have ever projected, and I am none of them. And this answer won't sit well with people, they will say it's all hand-wavy and nebulous, and it doesn't define me as an individual. But it's true. I can be all of them or none of them, with every situation being a mixture of them.
And this concept of having the capability to be any set of characteristics on any given situation, scares some people. They want to wake up as Sally, not as just a collection of possible thoughts and actions. But Sally comes with self-imposed baggage, for her persona has been created out of fear masquerading as practicality.
What is this fear? It is a fear that the consequences of being free is that you are lost. It is the fear that being completely yourself is not enough. And depression is the persona drowning that person in those thoughts.
I like Eric. Overall he's a good guy. But I want to be free, and to truly be free I have to ditch my friend, Eric. I shouldn't say that... Eric is good for lots of things; like he comes in handy when I want to travel and can use his passport, so he has to stay. But he can be an albatross around my neck at times. And if my inner happiness is somehow tied to how Eric is feeling that day, well then, I'd rather not have him there if I am to be fully open to what I have been given and can harness at any given time. If I can meet every new situation with the full range of my thoughts then how could I possibly be inwardly unhappy? What would I need Eric for?
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